he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
