Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
