too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
