Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
