Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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