Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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