Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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