That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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