I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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