Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
