Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My balls are so social today.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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