take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it glows. i had to have it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
