In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
