Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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