We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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