i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
