my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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