she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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