I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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