Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
