Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
