Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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