Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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