oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
