Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
