I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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