i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
