it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
