med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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