i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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