I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
