I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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