she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize