Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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