First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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