well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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