Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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