I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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