Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
