U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
