i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You are a genius and a whore.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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