We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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