I hate your face
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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