and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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