Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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