I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
