Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
