I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
