if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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