once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
