I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
