so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This baby is an asshole
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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