you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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