i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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