You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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