we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
