alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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