In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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