well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
