Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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