i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You made out with two different species that night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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