she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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