The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
