I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
