I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
