We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
