I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
