Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.