Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.

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  (401): i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care. http://tfl.nu/npdd
  Replies (10) Good night (3037) Bad night (700)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night

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  (440): obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night http://tfl.nu/wlim
  Replies (100) Good night (3181) Bad night (1137)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?

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  (407): is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation? http://tfl.nu/cy8e
  Replies (30) Good night (774) Bad night (9380)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?

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  (330): This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM? http://tfl.nu/jjdh
  Replies (23) Good night (4988) Bad night (792)
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  (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

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  (818): His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face. http://tfl.nu/bthr
  Replies (42) Good night (3863) Bad night (9195)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again

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  (412): I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again http://tfl.nu/0m8m
  Replies (14) Good night (1076) Bad night (4615)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.

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  (610): This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind. http://tfl.nu/lf45
  Replies (15) Good night (4539) Bad night (1157)
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  (631): View more from New York

  She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.

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  (631): She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom. http://tfl.nu/uq6s
  Replies (22) Good night (6715) Bad night (1242)
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  (408): View more from California

  I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.

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  (408): I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/0k63
  Replies (17) Good night (3068) Bad night (1353)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.

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  (908): I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though. http://tfl.nu/x1vh
  Replies (4) Good night (1157) Bad night (501)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.

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  (508): Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos. http://tfl.nu/qg1c
  Replies (7) Good night (1804) Bad night (602)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour

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  (774): It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour http://tfl.nu/kved
  Replies (1) Good night (642) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.

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  (214): I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports. http://tfl.nu/apdh
  Replies (4) Good night (731) Bad night (324)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.

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  (541): Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways. http://tfl.nu/r7l2
  Replies (1) Good night (617) Bad night (427)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.

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  (417): People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty. http://tfl.nu/m1l5
  Replies (2) Good night (518) Bad night (230)

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