We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.