My liver just broke up with me...
only you would photoshop your dick
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.