if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?