Having a random hookup so left but love u
This is not my ceiling
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
