I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake