i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize