Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
