R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
