i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am naked and annoyed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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