You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
