this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
