Me too!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
