My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
