ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
